


His First Choice

by Annide



Series: 911 Weeks [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 911week2020, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Family, Fluff, Loneliness, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24665470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annide/pseuds/Annide
Summary: Buck feels lonely, like everyone around him has a family, someone who cares about them more than anything, but he doesn't. Turns out he is wrong.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 911 Weeks [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808203
Comments: 6
Kudos: 202
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	His First Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bad Things Happen Bingo: Loneliness. And for 911week Day 4: "Do you believe me?" + love.

Sometimes, Buck couldn’t help but be overcome by an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Everyone else had someone to go home to. Bobby had Athena, Hen had Karen and their kids, Chimney had Maddie, Eddie had Christopher. Buck had no one. After every shift, he just went home to his empty apartment. When he didn’t spend his day off with Eddie and Christopher, he was alone. He hadn’t kept in touch with his old roommates, they wouldn’t really get along anymore. They liked Buck 1.0 because he partied with them, but they wouldn’t feel the same about Buck 2.0, the more responsible and thoughtful, less of a brat version.

And it wasn’t even just about having a family outside of his firehouse family, or someone he loved. He didn’t have any friends. Bobby hung out with Michael, Hen with Athena, Maddie with Josh. Chimney had his stepbrother, and Eddie had Lena. Sure, every once in a while Chimney and Maddie invited him over to spend an evening with them and Josh, but it wasn’t the same as having people of his own. Christopher hardly counted as a friend. Besides, Buck still wasn’t entirely convinced Maddie wasn’t trying to set him up with Josh.

It honestly wasn’t a bad idea and Buck wished it worked. Josh seemed great. But unfortunately, Buck’s heart wanted something else. There’s nothing he wanted more than to be interested in a gay guy for once. That’s why he kept going out with women. It was easier. Because he had the worst luck when it came to having a crush on a man. Somehow he kept falling for straight guys.

From the very first time he saw him, putting his shirt on in the firehouse, Buck had been attracted to Eddie. The guy was hot. And unavailable to him. When he’d mentioned having a son, Buck had made sure to tell him he loved kids, just on the off chance Eddie might also be bi. He wanted to present himself as an option, make it known that the fact he was a single father wouldn’t turn him off. But it was useless. Eddie was straight, just like every other guy Buck had ever fallen for in the past.

Even when he was surrounded by people, Buck felt lonely. Like none of these people would choose to be with him. They all hung out with him because he was part of the group, but that was it. They spent time with him one on one on occasion, but only when they had no one else, when their first choices of company were busy. But Buck was never anyone’s first choice.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Eddie said, with a soft bump on his shoulder.

“What?”

“You haven’t said anything in a while. You don’t even look like you’re listening to us anymore.”

“I...” Buck let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, no, my mind drifted off for a minute. Did I miss anything?”

Eddie gestured at the now empty lounge. Everyone else had moved to the kitchen to start working on making lunch while keeping the conversation going. The two of them were now sitting alone on the couch. Buck wasn’t even surprised the others had left without telling him or catching his attention. After all, he was the guy who constantly got left behind, why would it be any different here, for the smallest things?

“Seriously, man, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, it’s not important.”

Buck dismissed it. He didn’t want to make it seem like he was complaining and making everything about him again. Eddie put his hand on his knee and leaned a little closer, making sure their eyes met.

“If it puts that sad expression on your face, it’s important to me. Come on, spit it out.”

“I was just thinking how all of you guys have people outside of here, a family to go home to. No matter what happens, you’ll always have that. I don’t. I’m mostly an afterthought to everyone.”

“Not to me.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. We’re friends because we work together, but it’s not the same as having someone who’s always there, that you can always rely on. Like a family.”

“You can always rely on me, Buck. I thought you knew that. And you have a family.”

“This family can change at any moment, we could all get separated, split up into different firehouses. My parents were never much of one. And Maddie has Chimney now, and soon a baby. I won’t fit there anymore.”

“That’s not what I meant. Buck, you are part of mine and Christopher’s family. You’re not an afterthought or a backup, you’re one of us. You’re really important to us. Do you believe me? Please, tell me you do.”

“You really mean that?”

“Of course, Buck, I don’t know what we’d do without you, you’re like a second father to Christopher.”

“The cool dad he likes to hang out with the most.”

“Only because you never have to discipline him.”

A huge smile grew on Buck’s face. It meant so much to hear him say that. But it quickly faded when he remembered the feelings he had for Eddie and how they could easily ruin everything. Buck could never share that with Eddie. He couldn’t risk losing him and Christopher. His family, Eddie had said. He tried to get his smile back before Eddie noticed it faltered, but it was already too late.

“Ah, come on, what do I have to say to get you to keep smiling? You know I’ll always choose you over anybody else. You’re my Buck, I’d be lost without you.” Eddie sighed. “Damn, you’re driving me crazy. All I want is for you to be happy and you’re making it so difficult.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a pain.”

“Stop, just stop. You know, I wish I could just kiss that frown off your face.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

“Dude, I’ve been in love with you since your first shift.”

“Oh. _Oh_.”

Eddie cupped his face and put his mouth on his. Buck smiled against his lips. They heard a sound of applause coming from the kitchen and both turned to look in that direction. It was Hen. Who extended her hand to collect money from a defeated Chimney.

“You had a bet about this?” Buck did his best to make himself sound outraged.

“I didn’t take part. I didn’t think it was very appropriate. But I am very happy for you both.” Bobby said, a proud smile plastered on his face. “Now, how about you two come give us a hand and set the table?”

Buck tried to stand and go, but Eddie grabbed his hand and pulled him back to him. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed him some more. Buck let his hands rest on Eddie’s waist, reciprocating the kiss he’d so often dreamed about. He had never felt so safe, so loved, so at home than he did in this particular moment.

“I’m never letting you go, Evan Buckley. You’ll always be part of my family, and my first choice to spend time with. You better believe that.”

“I believe you now.”


End file.
